Everyone will need to give an account of their lives. What is your story? Live your life like the story you want to tell. I am not sure where these words came from, but back when I was experiencing some unexpected circumstances, these words came to me, and they have been with me ever since. Things may not always work out the way you want but you can always choose to interpret the experience or story in a way that helps you to see the positives that allow you to move in a positive direction. After all, it is your story.
The situation
At the end of my first year as a doctoral student, I found myself with child, and it was not like the virgin Mary situation. You would think people at this level got their acts together, right? Not quite…we are all a work in progress (also, some of our problems did not begin with us, do not blame yourself). I have wanted to get my PhD in what seems like forever, it was a childhood dream that never went away. What will I do? I wanted to do the PhD so badly. However, it was more difficult than I thought, this would be the perfect escape to leave and attend to my child. Some people suggested this. Except my mind doesn’t work that way. I go into thinking mode; this is when you think until you get a solid solution. The thoughts kept coming, but one memory stood out.
A few years ago, a group of us were talking with a senior manager at the previous company I worked. This manager mentioned how she was on her way to begin her PhD when she got pregnant, and she decided not to pursue that route. This lady was well established, had everything she wanted that is what it looked like from the outside. But I could hear the regret in her voice. She still wanted the PhD with everything else. I didn’t want any regrets, regrets are painful, especially if you could have avoided them.
The decision
I decided to continue the PhD despite how difficult it was and have my child as well. Did I mention that I was in a country where I knew almost no one? Even the father of my child, my husband, was in another country. I didn’t care what my situation looked like. The words I mentioned above came to me “Sanchia, what is the story you want to tell? To your future self? To your future child or even grandchildren? If I leave the program saying it would be difficult to do both the PhD and have my child, what does that say about me? That I am a coward? That I am weak? I am not saying these are true on even untrue. But what do you say to yourself? Be true to yourself. I thought of myself as a mentally strong and fearless person. I believed that with God, all things were possible. Now it was time to put my faith to the test.
The story I tell now
That year during my pregnancy was probably the most productive year of my doctoral studies. My experiments worked well, I passed all the exams, attended conferences, won top presenter, and finally had my beautiful baby boy. It was an excellent year. And so, the story I am now able to tell my son (and everybody else) is that his mom had him while she was pursuing her PhD. My unborn son inspired me to go for my dreams and to not limit myself or God.
Unfavorable circumstances would appear in my life again after this, and again these words came to mind: Sanchia, what is the story you want to tell? And sure enough, I found a positive spin on what seemed like impossible situations. Romans 14: 12 says each of us will give an account of ourselves to God. My story here may not be in the same context this verse was written, but these words sure help me every time.
What about you? Are you living the story you want to tell? Think about it, what is your story?