Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the the evidence of things not seen. Heb 11:1 NKJV

The early years

From a very early age, I believed God was real. I saw God demonstrated through my grandaunt, Aunt Lucy, with whom I lived as a child. She had an unshakable peace. I never heard an angry word from her. She always gave of herself and whatever she had. Aunt Lucy was also happy all the time, always smiling, singing, or humming her favorite song. She had joy and hope. Everything about her drew you in. I wanted to be around her all the time.

As soon as I could read, she would wake me up for devotions at six in the mornings. We read the Bible and sang hymns of praise. My grandaunt was a woman of faith. Interestingly, she didn’t talk about God; she modelled a life that showed Him.

My faith: what I believed

Aunt Lucy’s faith must have rubbed off on me; I believed the Bible, at least most of it at that time. I believed that I had everything I needed to get where I needed to be: for example, I did not know my father, who died when I was young. It did not bother me because I read in the Bible that God is a father to the fatherless, and it stuck with me that God was my father. I believed it. I thought that if God was my father, I could pray to Him for whatever, and I would get it. 

For a while, that worked. I did well in school, got a good job, etc. But there was so much I did not understand. 

I grew up observing people who sat around waiting for something to happen for them or they settled with whatever life gave them. They had no dreams or purpose. It bothered me. I didn’t understand it then because I had dreams and goals beyond anything I knew or saw. I believed I would fulfill these dreams and goals, I didn’t know how, but I had this sense that I would.  I also had a wild imagination that fueled these dreams; I saw glimpses of myself doing certain things. I kept these dreams in my mind.

In addition, I kept certain scriptures close to my heart. Such as “ask believing, and you will receive.” Matt 21:22. Seek, and you shall find. Matt 7:7. When I could not see what I was praying for and working towards, I read Psalms 46 and 91. These scriptures encouraged me, and I pressed forward.

You make the plan, but God directs your steps (Prov 16:9)

I made plans and worked towards goals. When I didn’t get the goals intended, I used whatever I had, I made other plans, and I moved on. Eventually, I decided to go after a childhood dream that I thought would solve all my problems. I got the goal but it didn’t solve my problems, and I was crushed. 

I thought this dream in my mind would get me to the place I wanted to be. It did not happen; I did not know where to turn. It was good until now, even when I did not get the things I wanted. But this one thing was supposed to open everything – the exact opposite happened, all the doors were shut. I was confused. 

What is your why?

I went within. I asked myself questions I should have asked from the beginning but was too naïve to ask. Why did I want these goals? What was the purpose behind it? Where did I want to be and do ultimately? What can I do (whether I had the skills or not)? Is there a destiny for me – what is it? Suppose I have been on the wrong path all along? Who knew without a doubt the answers to these questions? 

These were not simple questions to answer. The explanations the world gave could not suffice – work hard(er), they say. I felt like I tried everything. I thought I was following Gods’ plans all along. Why did He allow me to fulfill those goals if I did not need them? Did God give me these dreams and goals, or was I just determined?

The question I never asked (although it was tempting) – if God was real? Because I knew He was, even when I did not feel, see, or understand.

Things I hoped for but did not see

Although I could not reach it, I still had a clear vision in my mind of how my life should look. I could not let go – I still believed. This belief that I had is faith, the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Despite my circumstances God did not leave me and He had a plan for me. Perhaps He was teaching me something. I surrendered to the process because nothing was happening in my power. I had to wait on God this time.

It took all my faith to wait. Not just a passive wait, but I served my gifts, gained, and sharpened many skills. Already educated and qualified for many jobs, my family and friends could not understand what I was doing. But I knew God was with me, and that was the path He had for me. I finally found peace during what felt like a crazy storm.

It is all for His purpose

God is not your genie. I laugh at some of these questions now because they are all about me and what I want. What I failed to realize was that it was not about me. It is all for the glory of God. Whatever He allows is for His purpose.

When you pray “thy will be done be done on earth as in heaven.” You are giving Him the permission to do as He please, not that He needs your permission, but He gave you a free will. His will is beyond anything you can dream or imagine. He is God of the universe. It is not about you.

Understanding and loving others 

This place that I was, where nothing I was doing worked helped me to understand God at a deeper level. God is molding us into His character, that is the real blessing, not things, not even the goals or dreams. 

Perhaps then, instead of being so goal oriented we should be growth oriented because becoming the character of God is an ongoing process.

Now, I understood why people got stuck waiting rather than reaching their full potential. I understood why we do the things we do. This level of understanding helps me to meet people where they are and love them without an ulterior motive or condition. God was/is teaching me LOVE. 

Faith: what do you believe? And what is God teaching you?

I encourage you to keep your faith in God, regardless of what you might be going through now. He has a plan. You may also have a plan; God may have given you the dream, sorry that was not the entire plan. Remember Joseph, he dreamed that he would rule, but he did not see the pit or the prison. Joseph also learned to love and forgive his brothers during this time of testing. In the end, Joseph demonstrated faith, the substance of things hoped for the the evidence of things not seen. What is God teaching you? You may be in a tough place now, but it is not the end, hold on to Him. Learn the lessons. God will finish what He started.