For or against?
In the middle of my doctoral studies, I decided to commit to God completely. Although I had already been attending church all my life, I had no idea this decision would change my life forever. Before that, I prayed occasionally, especially if I wanted something I could not get on my own. At church, I was either thinking about a party I went to the night before or one I was be going to that night after church. I had one foot in and the other out the door. Don’t judge me, you did it too in one way or the other. You will never know God this way.
Are you growing?
It also seemed like I had a good and promising career, I worked as a scientist at a government agency, and I traveled to various places locally and internationally. I didn’t have a manager or supervisor that breathed down my back. I only had to be at work 9-5, but I made my schedule within that period. It seemed like I was living the life. However, this company had very little room for growth – they operated a flat structure. That is the executive director at the top, then the managers, then everybody else. Everybody else included people with PhDs, masters, and undergrad degrees and even those with no degrees – a flat structure. This system doesn’t work for ambitious people. And soon, I got frustrated with the lack of growth in my life. This lack of advancement in my career was more than just about a position. I felt unfulfilled.
Why do you do what you do?
At first, when you leave university, all you want is a job. You probably have a student loan, and you want to be responsible. At this young age, you are hardly thinking about why you want to work at a certain company. At least for me, all I knew was that I wanted a job in an area that I studied. But why did I take that course anyway? Why did I do any of the things that I did? Did I think about it?
Well, you got the job, and you have been working for a while. Things seem great, but you have a nagging feeling that something isn’t right. But you have bills to pay, and this job takes care of it. You may even look for another job with more compensation. You still have not considered the intention behind what you are doing.
Mid life crisis or calling?
Later on in life when you should be settling and coming into your own, you find your life disrupted (or perhaps coming together in an unexpected way). What do you do? Do you settle, pretending all is well? Or do you try to find out why you have the nagging feeling or disruption, and go wherever the journey takes you?
The journey
I chose the latter. That nagging feeling led me to God then He began to show me, ME. It is a journey, one of never-ending self-discovery and evolution. So, if you see me just trying out a bunch of stuff that doesn’t fit your mold, don’t judge me. Maybe I will try doing the things I have always dreamt about; they may not look the way you expect, don’t judge me. I may hop on a plane and go to a country I have never been to, live there for a while, don’t judge me. Perhaps I want to stay home and take care of my kids, don’t judge me.
Learn the lessons
During this experimental phase you can and will make mistakes. So what? Learn from them and try again, whether it is the same thing or something else, you will know. Don’t get caught up with being perfect because no one is. The people who are judging you, does so out of fear and insecurity. As long as you are not breaking Gods’ laws or those of your country, try it. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9 NKJV).
Be courageous
It takes courage to be different, to get off the well walked path and discover who you are truly meant to be. You are not alone God is with you. He promises that He has a plan for you. His plans are for your good and not to harm you, (Jer 29:11). You can rest in His peace. Does any of this sound familiar? Do you have the courage to be true to yourself? Or are you still worried about what others will say?